Unbelieving

Most times I don't understand how my brain works. It's more dramatic when I haven't had much time to sleep and recharge. I get moody, rusty, and unbelieving.

I want to talk about the last word, of the previous paragraph. Unbelieving. You know, you always start out with high energy. We need that belief, disillusion and ignorance to get started. When you start, you're often ignorant of how much work and pain something will really take. Most times, that's just what we need. (If you knew so much, you might not want to get started.)

But, for my case, when I'm really stressed and tired, it gets to my brain. And it makes me question everybody that might have a iota of uncertainty attached to it; it makes me bug over little or inconsequential things; it gets me emotional; it gets me irrational and unbelieving. (It also gets me hungry for food.) It's a spontaneous response, but I override it with my intelligence. I will nudge myself, realize my irrationality, and disbelief, and adjust accordingly.

I have felt some real pain. And I respect some of the people who have stayed close enough to observe my hurts and still love me. I rarely get boisterous and angry. (Never might be the appropriate description.) But, when work and thinking has belaboured my body and mind, I often prefer seclusion or recluse. But because some of my people understand and get concerned, they come close --until I'm well fed and rested. And for that, I love them.